I'm leaving campus, and the island, far behind me on Tuesday, at least for a few weeks. That includes dealing with schoolwork, thinking about next semester, and my interminable crush. All those things will be out of sight, and therefore hopefully out of mind. But until then, I'm still stuck here for a bit.
And, of course, leaving behind one side of my reality doesn't mean that the world stops being real. Once I'm back at "home", I have to look into what options I have open to me next year, in case I don't want to stay here, which is certainly a possibility. I mean, I love most things about being here, but between my pathetic infatuation, anxiety about what I'm doing with my future, and not even knowing if I'll be able to study acting specifically, my running instinct is in high gear. I came here to run away from my past, from High School and from a city I didn't want to live in. Right now I'm feeling the urge to run away again, but I have no idea what to, and I'm not even sure why. Maybe it's just Cabin Fever. I haven't left the city for a month, and mostly I'm stuck on campus. I'm very ready to get away and spend some time with my closest friends. Maybe when I come back in January, I'll feel better. I'll have to, because I'll be having rehearsals on the weekends so it's looking bad for taking any weekends off all spring. So I'll either have to find some other way to fight the claustrophobia, or become suddenly a lot more contented with my everyday life. Or maybe my second semester will be easier than my first because I'll have had time to get used to things?
One thing I can hold on to is that my best friend Kendra are intending to actually do music things. If it wasn't so unrealistic and difficult, I would drop everything, we would make music together and go on the road to play it for people. But for now, I have to finish at least this second semester, and then we'll be devoting the summer to songwriting and music making. Who knows how that will turn out, but at the very least it'll be fun.
Really I just want to be cool and hip and work as an actor and make music on the side and make videos and have enough money to actually have a nice wardrobe. And travel lots.
So, you know, I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
This post is brought to you by Mystery Jets (not really), because this song is so lovely, because it's from my all-time favourite Songza playlist, and because I want Laura Marling's super cool voice.
More comprehensive, life-update-y post coming soon. Apologies to the zero people who read this blog for my extended absence.
