Music Monday: High Noon

I hadn't actually heard of Arkells before I saw their show at the CBCmusic.ca Music Festival. Everyone around me got really excited when any of the MCs mentioned their name, and I felt a bit out of the loop. So, of course, I pretended that I knew what I was getting into and stood right up there in the thick of the crowd, cheering my lungs out. Not surprisingly, I had a blast.

After that, Arkells just popped up everywhere! A couple weeks later, I got a SnapChat from my friend from university, posing with lead singer Max Kerman at their Calgary show. Someone I knew in high school posted a picture to say she was listening to them. They're everywhere. Granted, I was pretty stuck in my own little slice of the world this past school year, so I'm going to forgive myself for not knowing about them earlier.

My favourite shows are the ones where you're hardly even focusing in just the music; the kind of experience where it's more just an outdoor dance party than a concert; where the fun and energy is what you care about far more than whether every note is right (that's not to say that anything is wrong with the music - you're just not paying attention to that). The show I saw was exactly that. Max Kerman was hardly ever NOT jumping around, they coerced their piano player to play an awesome solo (and had some adorable almost-choreography going on while he did), and even got Jian Gomeshi to come out and sing with them! Add to that their super-pumped beats, and everyone had a great time the whole way through. The best part is that that energy and fun is noticeable in their recorded music as well, even though it's just you and some speakers. I mean, it's not quite (but almost) dance music, but you just have a good time.

Speaking of recorded music, they just released their new album High Noon. Personally, I still prefer their first one, Michigan Left, although that might just be because it takes me a really long time and a lot of listens to really get into any whole album. What I did notice, though, is that the songs in High Noon sound a lot more like what the band sounds like live, which in my book is a cool thing. Especially Fake Money, the first track, sounds practically straight off a stage.

All in all, High Noon keeps all the good things about their overall sound, while still changing it up by trying some different feels and tricks throughout.

Music Monday: Mother, Mutter, Mère

I went on a road trip with my mother recently (only a couple hours, which is a lot for the two of us in an enclosed space) and she was complaining about having only the same couple of CD's in the car, playing over and over (she has many more lying around the car, but most of them are lame and I really need to organize them all anyway). And since the music she does listen to in the car is very much her and not me, I decided to come up with a little collection to give her. Consider it "Good Music My Mom Will Like (And Maybe Yours Will Too)".

The Situation:
My Mom is a very easy listening kind of lady. For example, one time I was playing Spoon and she asked me why I was listening to hard rock. She likes things like Bon Iver, Enya, and Neil Young (although I suspect she wouldn't even listen to the latter if it wasn't for the fact that he was big when she was young). The motley collection in her car even includes a CD by a traditional Irish folk band (granted, we were friends with one of the members).
But! She's already on the right track. She's got some Mumford & Sons and The Avett Brothers going on, and she even has Beck's Morning Phase, although she always forgets about that one. She has this habit of picking up CDs at starbucks, and so far she's avoided or missed the Shakira and Frozen type ones. One time she got a Mark Berube CD after seeing him live and she didn't mind it! She's also somehow ended up with my copies of Sea+Air's My Heart's Sickest Chord and Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros' Here. Every time I mention they're mine she's completely surprised and a little doubtful. Fun fact: she gave me Here for christmas last year.

The Task:
So the idea is to find music that I think is good, and intelligent, and meaningful, that she will actually listen to rather than telling me to turn it down. And hopefully I can keep her away from our local top-40's-from-at-least-5-years-ago station, at least for a little while. Seriously, its name is EZRock. Of all things. (there's nothing rock about it, not even the EZ kind.)
DISCLAIMER: I'm not calling these albums or artists boring, or somehow not good. They're all excellent and have a special place in my heart. I just think my mom would actually enjoy them too.

The Goods:
The xx - XX (2009)

I'm not too sure how much she'll like this one, because their sound is so different and more... contemporary? I don't want to say electronic. But it's also so laid back and mellow that I think it'll balance out.

Dan Mangan - Nice, Nice, Very Nice (2009)

I know for a fact that she's going to like this one. I was listening to this album the other day and she came in and started... grooving? to it in a very mom way. Which kind of made me hesitate to add it - I feel weirdly protective and possessive of this album. I was thinking about giving her Oh, Fortune instead, but in the end I knew she would enjoy this one more. (On an unrelated note, Dan Mangan is still a human teddy bear to me.)

First Aid Kit - The Lion's Roar (2012)

This selection is following the vibe of some of my mom's old favourites: Leonard Cohen, Neil Young, and other bluegrassy folky tunes we have lying around. That stuff is great, but there's only so many times you can listen to Harvest Moon on repeat, so First Aid Kit's youthful, melodic sound is a breath of fresh air.

The Paper Kites - States (2013)

Ah yes, sweet mellow Australian angels. I still can't believe they were playing in the city I was in, on their first North American tour, and I couldn't go! Their melodic, soothing sound has been a favourite of mine since early high school. Something about them makes me want to go out adventuring - or maybe that's just their music videos.

That's the list for now! If I ever come up with enough other albums, maybe I'll make a part 2. Who knows.

Music Monday: That Summer Feeling

June is almost over, and we're getting really into summer now! Even the high school kids aren't stuck in classrooms any more. And with the blistering summer heat, there's Romance! Music! Sunburn!

Of course, the music is the highest priority.

I've been obsessed with this Songza playlist for the past couple of summers. In fact, last year I played it at work so often that my co-workers would roll their eyes and tease me. But they actually loved it too.

Summer Fling is a fun, unique mix of songs: there's old, there's new, there's (relatively) obscure, there's popular, hell, there's even Mariah Carey if that sweetens the pot for you. The playlist has changed and grown along the way, and while I may skip over some of the additions made since I first discovered it, I've found some gems added as well.

Here are some of my absolute favourites! They're mostly from the original bunch, but they're all still in there.

Young Love - Mystery Jets
Even though this list is in no particular order, this song deserves its spot at the top of the list. It's certainly the one I've sang along to most often. And that Laura Marling's voice. Damn.

Who Knew - You Won't
Who Knew is without a doubt the sweetest song I've ever heard on this playlist. Listen at least 5 times. (1. Overall 2. Voice 3. Lyrics 4. LYRICS 5. Overall with special attention to lyrics/ possible sing-along)

When You Walk In The Room - Fyfe Dangerfield

Give it a listen. Give it a chance.

Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys
Ah yes. The Beach Boys. Seduce me with your sweet harmonies and summery fun. (The playlist has a 2012 remaster)

When U Love Somebody - Fruit Bats

Everything I picture when I think of summer, but in sound form. Also some solid advice and truth bombs being spilled alllll over the place.

Baby - Devendra Banhart


Beautiful Trash - Lanu

Admit it. It's catchy.

You're In Love - Betty Who

This is a brand new addition, and super poppy. There's something about it though.

Age Of Consent - New Order

You know who likes to have fun (in the sun)? The 80's.

Lost - Scavenger Hunt

Pop: when it's good, it's so good.

Junk Of The Heart (Happy) - The Kooks


Then He Kissed Me - The Crystals

The very best of the really old songs that are scattered around this playlist.

Oceans - Coasts


The Summer - Coconut Records


Jennifer - Little Comets

This was an addition made a while ago. It took me a while, but I've really warmed to it.

Toothpaste Kisses - The Maccabees

Fun Fact: the colour on the cover art is completely different in the playlist.

Radar Detector - Darwin Deez
Your new favourite curly-haired awkward weirdo.

Egyptian Robe - Miniature Tigers

Made famous in the world by skins. Made famous in my heart by its groove.

I may not have a summer romance, but the love I have for this playlist is good enough for me. Happy sweltering in the sun!

New Things

I know it's been a while. I've been busy. Things have happened. I'm the worst I'm not sorry at all.

Some announcements/plans:
This past weekend I was at the CBCMusic.ca Festival in Burnaby, BC. It was an incredible amount of fun, even though I was soaked to the bone at the end of the night. I also listened to 102.7 The Peak on the way there. Point being, I was inspired to start blogging about music a lot more. So far, it's been limited to little song recommendations at the end of posts, which I will continue doing, but I'm now going to actively dedicate posts to music! Exciting! It'll be a lot of features about bands I like, or talking about songs individually, and hopefully even doing some reviews/thoughts about new albums or music content! I tend to be mostly interested in alternative/indie bands, so if that's what you're into as well that's awesome. Of course, that doesn't mean I will never talk about other genres. The plan for this is to make it Music Monday, meaning that I'll post that content on Monday mornings (hopefully), and if I have too much to write about/need to post on a different day for some reason, I'll figure that out as I come to it. Maybe I'll still just call it Music Monday anyway. Because I don't conform.

Wake Owl on the main stage at the festival

Music Monday will probably get a lot more interesting involved once I get more into different music blogs and stuff. Maybe when that happens, I'll have more content to post more frequently as well.

The first couple weeks will probably be mostly related to the CBCMusic.ca Festival because it was awesome and obviously there was a lot of music to talk about.

Apparently it's June.

Also, I'm thinking of posting about fashion/style/girly??? stuff as well. Right now my elbow is recovering from breaking and surgery, but once I'm not in a sling any more I'd like to do legit style and outfit posts. Until then, it'll be more like writing about stuff and things I find or like. I haven't figured out what I'll call that yet. Fashion Friday? Style Saturday? Wear Wednesday? I don't know for sure. But it'll be something alliterated.

I'm excited for these things! I have all of this free time right now because of my arm, and I think this is as good a way as any to get myself doing something again.

This post is (not really at all) sponsored by Kiss Cam by the Arkells because it's so upbeat and dancy.

When The Lights Come On, I'll Be Ready For This

In many ways, today was even better than yesterday. In some ways, it was worse.

I didn't go to Staples before class; I slept in, because of course I did. Class was decent, and we stayed for half an hour afterwards to get some ideas going for our final project. Between today's discussion and staying afterwards, I actually think we're closer as a class, which is nice. I purposefully sat between two people I don't know, and it was actually a very good idea. That made me happy.

After that, I went to Staples and Walmart. I found a decent planner at Staples, which is good. After I got back to campus, I dropped off my stuff and went for a hike. The hike was actually very nice, and I'm even more glad I did it than I thought I would be.

Let's just ignore how bad I look without makeup in this picture

It's not that far up, but man was I hungry when I got back to Residence! I really hope I can move tomorrow.

At Walmart I picked up a bristle brush so when I got home, I tried dry brushing for the first time. My body feels so nice and relaxed now! It really is like a massage (a really invigorating one - bloodflow everywhere) and my skin feels suuuuuper soft and nice and fresh. So that makes me feel happy. Also my muscles feel nice and loose, which is great because that's something I struggle with. Basically yeah I'm gonna keep doing that every day forever now. ($4 brush was definitely a great investment)

Unfortunately, I was more physically exhausted and limp and jello-y (note to self: only dry brush in the evenings when I intend to do nothing physical anymore) than I had anticipated when planning out my evening. Plus writing all my classes and rehearsals and engagements for the next 3 months took an absurdly long time, so I didn't get any cleaning up or working on my resume done. Hopefully as I continue this journey of becoming healthier (in all ways) and more organized, I'll build up my strength so I can do all the things I plan without feeling like a piece of roadkill at the end of the day.

Now the plan for tomorrow is to go to the secret beach after class, and then spend the rest of the day doing resume stuff, as well as homework. I need to get on top of that. I don't really have outside-of-class commitments next week, so that'll be when I focus on de-cluttering and organizing my space. But for the meantime, it sure is nice to have all my plans and time written out in this planner of mine.

Also, some of the girls in my group of residence friends have sort of officially left us. We had a facebook group chat going since last semester, and today two of us just left the conversation. There was no explanation, and I'm one of only two girls who live on a different floor than all the others, so I have no idea how or why this happened. Unfortunately, it's not a complete shock - they've both been really distant and I haven't seen them in weeks. In fact, our whole group has been sort of dissolving and dying off since our friend took the semester off and has been back home. It's really sad; last semester this group was a solid thing that was always there, something I could come home to and relax into after a long day of school and/or doing practical hours or scene painting or helping out with student shows. It felt so solid and comfortable and hopeful - we were (and three of us still are) thinking of living together in a house next year. I was looking forward to that, because I really want to live in a house with quite a few people, like a living community type of thing, and this was a group that I really thought I might have that with. It's interesting what school and stress and pressure can do to people, and to relationships, especially when we're so young and trying to cope with the world for the first time.

So, that's a bit of a bummer. But I have to focus on myself - I don't have any control over that, and I shouldn't try to - and that's what I'm trying to do.

Today's song is my favourite track by Lorde because Lorde.

How It's Started

Day 1 of Project Get Your Life Together You Idiot (working title) went relatively well.

The biggest problems were a horribly sore throat and a headache in the afternoon, which, granted, I can't blame myself for. I did get my to-do list done though, and more! I returned my friend's books as well as the library's, I took out the garbage, I drank over a litre of water, I had tea (although I left it in too long so it tasted gross), and I printed out that day planner. Unfortunately, I only had enough credit left to print out two sheets. But it's alright, because I decided to get an actual daily planner. Today I looked in the campus book store, as well as the local one and the drug store, but didn't find a good one. So tomorrow morning before class I'm going to head out to Staples and hopefully get a good one, and maybe some page tags (and some stickers to be honest because of course). I'm still going to go hike after class, but I don't think I'm going to see Cass in time to take her camera. But I intend this hike to be the first of many, so I'm sure I'll have many opportunities for pretty pictures. Of course I can clean up as well, and fortunately I just finished the assignment I was going to work on. That means I can work on my resume tomorrow. I'm going to go to the secret beach on Wednesday instead of Friday (more on that in a second), and then clean up my room some more. Thursday will stay the same as I planned last night. And Friday is a complete write-off because I'm doing lighting hours all day. By the time I'm done at 5, I'll be too tired and sore to do anything. Besides, by that time, I'll need some down time for sure.

If I want to get anything done on the weekend I'll have to do it in the mornings, because I'll be doing lighting hours both evenings after rehearsal. My goal is to give my resume to Bolen Books on Tuesday. I would say Monday, but my classes are so awkwardly spaced out that I don't have a good time to drop it off, except maybe at lunch time.

Today's track is "Angels" by The xx, just because it happens to be playing on my songza playlist right now.

In other, but related, news, Galapril is now my phone lockscreen to inspire me and because she's so damn pretty.

I will leave you with this fun fact (or tidbit, if you will): If it weren't for the whole acting thing, I would totally have dreadlocks. Well, I would grow out my hair and then make them dreadlocks. Whatever. You get it.

Getting It Together

Christ.

I'm fully aware that I've been completely absent from this blog, and Fueled by Young Spirit in general, for far too long. I did a couple videos last semester, which got me started on The Almost Real World, my video project about University. I've been meaning to make a new video for weeks, but I have no idea what to write it about. I've had a specific topic stockpiled almost since the beginning of the project, but it's very important to me and I want it to be genuine. These days, I don't feel positive or optimistic enough to film it without feeling like I'm lying to whoever watches it, and to myself. In the meantime, I really want to make a video to somehow help with applications, because it's that time of year, but what am I going to say? "I know it's scary but you have to do it and I can't really help you"? That line is becoming a bit tired. It feels like all the TARW videos have been variations on that theme.

So I don't really know what to write that video about. I don't really know what to write anything about at the moment, actually. It's scary - even for a Writing class assignment, I had to put it off until the night before because I couldn't come up with an idea at all. In the end, I'm horribly dissatisfied with what I ended up with. I don't know what it is. The only thing I can think of that might be causing it is that my mind has adapted a state of not letting myself dwell on emotions. When I try to think about things, and dwell on how I feel, I just balk and distract myself with quotidian, practical matters. I can see where that conditioning would come from. Most significantly, I've been dealing with a massive crush since I got to Victoria, and my primary coping mechanism has been to avoid him and not think about it. Now he has a girlfriend, so of course I'm definitely just trying to distract myself until I inevitably get over it - sort of. Throughout the whole thing, which has made me miserable, I haven't actually shed a single tears. Again, that's my evasion instinct - the same instinct that made me move to an island to get away from high school, the one that puts off contacting friends or family in Germany, the one that's been making me dodge two of my closest friends because they were there when I found out about him seeing someone, and because they're the ones I actually talked to about my crush up until that moment. Perhaps that evasion instinct has seeped into my perspective and infected my creative powers.

I also haven't been taking care of myself very well since coming back from Christmas break. My nose has been stuffed for about 3 weeks, my energy is all over the place and unreliable, and I haven't been eating well at all. I've been eating too many brownies and candy, and I let myself skip meals for convenience or because I slept too late to have breakfast and lunch as separate meals. I've been letting petty hunger and boredom dictate when and what and how much I eat, and I feel really off whack and out of control because of it. My room is more of a disaster than my life, my mind and my focus put together, and I plan out my life two days ahead at most.

I'm going back to Kelowna for a couple of days in February, and my goal is to get myself together by then, so I can feel alright about leaving, even for a short while. That means that I can leave and get out of here with my entire body and mind, and not be preoccupied with Victoria life at all.

So my plan is to go to bed soon, because I have class at 8 30 tomorrow morning. I know I'm not really going to accomplish anything tomorrow, because I have class dispersed throughout the whole day until 8 20. But my checklist includes taking out the garbage, returning my library book, printing out a calendar (this one will do for now) for the next two weeks, making tea using the hot water at the Fine Arts Cafe (David's Tea's Mango Madness sounds good), and drinking at least two bottles (590 mL each) of water. On Tuesday after class, I'm going to leave my book in my locker in the theatre and go for a hike up the closest hill. I'll ask Cassidy if I can borrow her camera, and take pictures of the view. I'll spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning up my room, and I'll write my report on the World's Biggest Button Blanket for class. On Wednesday after class, I'll find the document for my resume, fix it up, skype my dad and ask him for advice on it, and outline a cover letter for the local book store. I'll also make a list of other places I wouldn't mind working at. On Thursday I'll hike up the hill again, and if I go right after class I might time it so that I'll see the sunset. Hopefully I can skype Kendra or Tee that evening. On Friday morning I'm going to take a walk to the "Secret Beach" - without direction or looking it up, just trying to find it based on the time Cassidy and I drove there in the dark. Then I'll clean up my room more, work on my job applications, and work on my lines for rehearsal that weekend.

I'm also going to take the week off from the internet. Facebook will send me notifications if anything actually happens, and I think I need a bit of an escape from tumblr anyway. I'm going to only use my computer and phone for music, and even that sparingly. If I find myself unable to do anything productive, I'll read. I'll watch American Horror Story on Wednesday night of course, but other than that, TV can wait until Saturday. I just think I need to clear my head, and I think being online is clogging it up a little.

The catalyst for me writing this post and making these plans was reading the lovely Galapril's blog. Something about her energy, her gentleness and her positivity motivates me to make myself and my life as happy and healthy as her. Also, holy crap, she's so crazy beautiful.

Anyway, here's a really great song I've been listening to an obnoxious amount lately. I found it in this great playlist. (It's mislabelled - it's actually called "Untouchable Face")

Dealing With Things Is Hard

I'm leaving campus, and the island, far behind me on Tuesday, at least for a few weeks. That includes dealing with schoolwork, thinking about next semester, and my interminable crush. All those things will be out of sight, and therefore hopefully out of mind. But until then, I'm still stuck here for a bit.

And, of course, leaving behind one side of my reality doesn't mean that the world stops being real. Once I'm back at "home", I have to look into what options I have open to me next year, in case I don't want to stay here, which is certainly a possibility. I mean, I love most things about being here, but between my pathetic infatuation, anxiety about what I'm doing with my future, and not even knowing if I'll be able to study acting specifically, my running instinct is in high gear. I came here to run away from my past, from High School and from a city I didn't want to live in. Right now I'm feeling the urge to run away again, but I have no idea what to, and I'm not even sure why. Maybe it's just Cabin Fever. I haven't left the city for a month, and mostly I'm stuck on campus. I'm very ready to get away and spend some time with my closest friends. Maybe when I come back in January, I'll feel better. I'll have to, because I'll be having rehearsals on the weekends so it's looking bad for taking any weekends off all spring. So I'll either have to find some other way to fight the claustrophobia, or become suddenly a lot more contented with my everyday life. Or maybe my second semester will be easier than my first because I'll have had time to get used to things?

One thing I can hold on to is that my best friend Kendra are intending to actually do music things. If it wasn't so unrealistic and difficult, I would drop everything, we would make music together and go on the road to play it for people. But for now, I have to finish at least this second semester, and then we'll be devoting the summer to songwriting and music making. Who knows how that will turn out, but at the very least it'll be fun.

Really I just want to be cool and hip and work as an actor and make music on the side and make videos and have enough money to actually have a nice wardrobe. And travel lots.

So, you know, I'm setting myself up for disappointment.

This post is brought to you by Mystery Jets (not really), because this song is so lovely, because it's from my all-time favourite Songza playlist, and because I want Laura Marling's super cool voice.

More comprehensive, life-update-y post coming soon. Apologies to the zero people who read this blog for my extended absence.

It's Going To Be A Little Robot

Wow, it's been a long time. How is it already April? Time, man.

As expectations would have it, loads of stuff has happened. I just went home to Germany for three weeks in March. There's so much to talk about in that trip, but it's really a very private topic and experience for me. So, that's where I draw the line, I suppose: The internet can read about my panic attacks, romantic attachments, and artistic passions, but not a trip I took to Europe.

There are loads of other things happening, though. Life is kind of crazy at the moment because I'm still trying to catch up on having missed four days of school. Meanwhile, I'm looking into the future as well. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's official: after ages of procrastination and multitudes of nervous breakdowns, I have completed submitting all the things I needed to submit to UBC and UVic. It's a relief to know that for better or for worse, it's out of my hands now. Now it's just time to wait and see what fate has in store for me.


Also, have you noticed that spring is here? (Unless it's not where you are. Sorry about that. I feel you; Germany was super cold all March)

In other news, my directing class is finally coming to a head. After a year of wondering where our teacher had gone off to and learning very little, we're directing 10-minute plays to be performed in something we call "Play Marathon" at our school. I'm actually very excited to pull together my own production, however short it may be. The play I've chosen is called Circuits and it's written by Rachel Lepore. It's funny, it's cute, it has a lot of heart, and it's also angsty. I'm not going to give too much away, because I know the only person who ever reads this blog is going to experience it live. I have to get my butt moving, though, because my Director's Script is due on Wednesday.

As to future plans for this blog, I intend to do some DIY projects this summer once I have more time on my hands, so watch this space for that kind of stuff! Also in the hopefully-not-too-far future, I'll be doing some more internet-y things, possibly involving a camera...??? We'll see how that goes, I'd really love to have that come together and work out. Again, details later.

In music news, I saw Said The Whale on Wednesday! I haven't seen them live in what seems like forever, and they played some new music as well. I got a shirt, which I've wanted to do every time they were in town, but never did. I'm looking forward to seeing them a lot more frequently if I move to Vancouver. IF that's where I get accepted.

Today's song is brought to you by Ben Worcester's amazing performance of it on Wednesday. (hey look, this one's live, too!)


(This post's illustration shamelessly has no source. It's naked. What a scandalous illustration. Put some clothes on, illustration, we're both tired.)

A Desperate Cry into the Vast Space of my own Insignificance

It's early admission application time at UBC this month. I have to get to work on it today because I don't have a whole lot of time before December 10, which is when it's due.

This is terrifying.

I am terrified.

Out of my mind.

I'm facing my entire future. I have to decide what I want to do, where I want to go and nobody will give me a straight answer when I ask for information or advice. All I hear all the time is "follow your dream/happiness". I'm 17. How the HELL am I supposed to know what my dream is, not to mention how to follow it?! People expect me to start being an adult, but I have no idea how to do that and nobody will tell me. How am I supposed to suddenly know how to be an adult without having ever been one before? How do I face the world and my life when I don't know what it looks like or where it is?



Another scary part of this is that I'm facing a change similar to the one that destroyed me a few years ago. Once again, I'm faced with leaving every comfort and everything I know and love behind and facing an entirely new life. This time, I'll be completely alone, without even my mother to guide me. I'm still not even out of the emotional wreckage of the last big move, and probably never will be, and now I have to move on again.

As ever, I am a mess of contradictions. I'm terrified of change, of moving on, of leaving things behind and of being forgotten. And yet I have one of the greatest escape/running away/avoidance instincts you'll ever encounter. When confronted with difficulty, struggle or emotion, I tend to run the other way like my life depends on it. And in those moments, it does seem like my life, my very being, depends on it. Depends on my ability to prevent damage, to preserve myself and shield myself from the world.

It's ironic that I'm starting to feel that way about my life currently. I'm very emotionally invested here, and there are a lot of things I find myself needing to escape from, to remove myself from. And yet, the way that I can escape requires me to face my future. I'm kind of stuck between two giant walls, and can't go sideways, and I'm panicking.

As much as I want to leave, though, there are some things here that I know I can't live without. I completely depend on certain things here, most significantly my three best friends. I know this for a fact. A little while ago, two of them were gone for a week, and I nearly imploded. I don't know what I would have done if Tee hadn't been there. I got anxious, stressed out and could actually barely function. Losing that support in 8 months is even harder to face than leaving Germany was when I was still there, because now I'm consciously aware of how much I rely on it and what losing it will do to me.




This song goes well with this post because I went to see Windmills in concert recently and when he played this song, I got overwhelmed with exactly the feelings that this post is about. Live music is incredibly powerful.

The illustrations on this post are photos by him and her.

Hit Me Like A Ton

A really, really nice thing about being an employed person is that you get paid. Luckily, that's not the only upside for me because my job is fabulous and wonderful, but it's a big plus. The nice thing about being paid is that as long as you don't waste it all on frivolous things, it builds up. Especially when you still live at home and don't have to worry about living costs or silly things like that yet.

What I'm trying to say is that I have money saved up. Quite a bit, actually, which means that I can actually consider buying a nice camera a realistic option! Especially with the Christmas season, which simultaneously blesses retail with glory and prosperity and also makes retail its bitch, coming I'll be able to afford something that nice. That really excites me, because I've wanted a really fancy camera for quite a while now.

My primary standards are that it has to take really nice still photos as well as really good HD video, because eventually I want to enter the world of YouTube, specifically vlogging. Or something like that. And I'm also getting really annoyed with the constant flow of grainy pictures whenever the natural light isn't precisely perfect for whatever camera I'm using in that moment. I'm at a really exciting time in my life, and I'm facing really big moments and milestones, and I want a good way of capturing all that.

My preference, right now, tends towards the Canon Powershot SX40. Whatever my camera ends up being, I definitely think it'll be a Canon. I've had Canons all my life, I understand them, I really like them, and based on my experience with my mother's camera, I really distrust or am just not comfortable with Nikon. That might be foolish, naive or stupidly biased, but I just really want to be very comfortable with my camera. That's very important to me. The alternative would be the Powershot SX50, which is a tiny bit nicer and quite a bit more pricey. They both have turn-around screens, which is important for me because of the vlogging thing and obviously the selfies that are apparently inevitable in high school. Geez, am I thinking about how best to facilitate people hi-jacking my fancy camera and taking weird pictures of themselves with duck faces? I am a troll-enabler.

For the SX40 (I've already become dangerously attached to it; I'm trying to fight the urge to internally refer to it as "baby") I'm thinking about Costco or BestBuy so far. I actually saw it on the display at Costco, and BestBuy has it for a very similar price. It's a wee bit higher at BB, but it also comes with a mini-tripod. Yikes, I'm shallow.

In other news, I found the perfect Christmas gift for my best friend today! I can't say what it is, though, because she's literally the ONLY person that reads this blog. Honestly, I think she'll flip for it. My mom agrees. I just hope nobody else gets her the same thing. Or, Heaven forbid, she gets it for herself. *runs into all local bookstores and hides all other copies* Oh darn, I gave away that it's a book. SHOCKER.

More geeky and exciting news will be forthcoming soon! I can't put everything in the same post or else I'll have nothing left to talk about later!

This post is brought to you by Spoon, because there was never really any question as to what song I would choose, was there?

Leaping to a Thousand Fires

Recently, I've been struggling to keep up with things. There always seems to be something else that needs doing, more work I haven't finished yet. I have a list of 5 books that I need to read, two of them are library books, one is for class and another is my best friend's. In fact, the only book I own is the one I'm reading right now and really don't need to be putting first: The Diviners. But alas! I have practically no time to read! When I'm not at rehearsal (which is just sitting around being bored, really, but I need to be there) I have homework, and when I'm done with that I need to clean up the mess that continues to pile up, and after that I need to catch up on the sleep I'm missing.

The problem here, of course, is that what I'm doing is trying to stay on top of things. I'm putting out fires. I'm getting assignments done the night before they're due and I'm only managing to clear enough stuff out of my room so that I can see my floor. There's a constant queue of things ahead of me on my to-do list and I feel like I'm always forgetting yet another thing that should be on that list. Sometimes, I do forget. Within the past one and a half weeks, I've had my dad come to pick me up twice, only to drive straight back home because I forgot to tell him I wasn't going somewhere. It's those kinds of little things that just keep slipping through my grasp, and it's frustrating, because I feel bad (because it's affecting other people and/or it's not being done) and because I'm scared that one of these days, what I forget about will be something huge and devastatingly major. And especially this year, I can't afford for anything like that to happen.

Speaking of which, that's my other problem. In being consumed by the mundane, immediate things, I don't have any energy or time left for bigger things, like keeping track of scholarship deadlines and university application dates. This year I need to be thinking about my future, but how can I do that when all I'm able to do is face one week at a time? I can't build a bridge while putting out fires.

In a rare bout of screw-everything-I-need-time-to-not-do-anything recently, I watched Moulin Rouge! and LOVED it. It's fantastically done all around, but I must say this was my absolute favourite part:

The arrangement is perfect, the singing is awesome, the acting is heartbreaking, and the staging is spectacular. As the movie's climax, it's many people's favourite. It just blows my mind. And Jacek Koman's powerful, gravelly voice is wonderful and really perfect in this. It could never have been as good without his singing. Plus Ewan McGregor is a babe. But everyone already knew that.

I'm thinking of putting music at the end of my posts more often. It's fun. This one is a video because it's equally stunning visually as it is in terms of music.

My, was I surprised

I got the giant project done! Well, at least for now. Mind you, I did work until 2 am the night before it was due. But in my defense I had a really full schedule earlier this week. Still do, actually.

But it's done! It's a GIANT weight off my shoulders, and now all I need to do is get a reference letter, a career interview and make the whole thing look nice in time for the presentation, which is in November.

Now, of course, I have to move on to other things! I have way too much too read, as ever, and I need to get on some scholarship applications. Also, I need to contact the director of the Theatre Royale in Barkerville. I was going to contact him about auditioning for next summer, but unfortunately I believe I'm going to have to change my reason for contacting him to letting him know I won't be able to do it this year, because as far as I can tell, rehearsals start before I graduate. Hopefully I'll be able to do it when I'm at university next year though, because my school year will have ended sooner.

Ah, I do love Fridays. Well, okay, I don't love today, because it's really busy and it didn't start out well, but I love the fact that it's Friday and the fact that it being Friday means that the weekend is nearly nigh! I'm really looking forward to this weekend, because I'm going windowshopping with Tee tomorrow morning, and then my mom and I are going to a fancy resort for the weekend. There's spa stuff and nice things there. It's hella expensive, but it's been my mom's idea from the get-go and I've warned her about that fact multiple times, so I'm absolving myself of responsibility.

One wonderful thing that happened today was that Libba Bray tweeted to me today!!!!!!!! AAAAHHH I CAN'T CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT I APOLOGIZE FOR BLATANT IMMATURE FANGIRLING BUT I'M NOT SORRY! I actually couldn't contained myself this morning when I saw it. I'm going to blame my excitement about this for my being 20 minutes late to class this morning, because "I missed the 10 o'clock bus for no reason" is just too pathetic to admit.

"she says, HOPEFULLY" HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS MY IDOL WAS HOPEFUL ABOUT ME BEING THERE OR SOMETHING I LITERALLY CANNOT

Also I'd like to mention that we share the same favourite swearword. It was my favourite even before Beauty Queens and before I figured out it was her favourite but then those things just solidified my preference. I mean, that's a really weird and kind of pathetic thing to have in common with your hero but it's a really great word and also it's not the only thing about her that I identify with.
(the word is shit)

And I will leave you now with one of the greatest songs I know.

There is a story behind this. Not a story as to how I discovered the song, or the wonderful, miraculous band (it started with Tap Tap Revenge a few years ago and it's just been a beautiful love affair since then), but a story of now, and why I thought of this particular song today.

In English, we're discussing Brave New World and genetic modification was mentioned. My best friend, who sits beside me, prompted me about this song (we've both been obsessed for a long time). All their music is mindblowing and perfect and makes me really happy. Especially this song. It's wonderful, because it takes the concept of artificial alteration, and all its serious connotations, and sort of treats it very concisely, eloquently and with a sort of semi-comical removedness that's very refreshing. At the same time, it's extremely intimate, relevant and emotional. It just beautiful, intense, holy-crap-inducing stuff. (this post's title is a lyric from this song)